


Blurred Lines In Between

by RookieBrown



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-13
Updated: 2016-02-13
Packaged: 2018-05-20 03:28:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5990326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RookieBrown/pseuds/RookieBrown
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Lexa met Clarke for the first time, Lexa knew, she would be here for the long halt; When Clarke started peeling those layers of hers one by one, Lexa knew that she would be playing a pivotal role in her life; But when she saw Clarke barely conscious, laying there, that night, Lexa couldn't pinpoint a moment when she felt this fear engulfing her....</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blurred Lines In Between

**Author's Note:**

> The characters, they are not my own obviously but everything else, its 100% original. It's my first fic so bear with me and I hope the story finds its appeal.

_**Break me down to ashes of** _  
_**Sweats and tears;** _  
_**But know, a day will come,** _  
_**When a phoenix will rise from the burnt,** _  
_**The one you won’t be able to put down.** _

  
_She remembered the very first time 19 yrs old Lexa Heda stood in front of Polis University, California. With just one duffel bag and a small backpack to carry the essentials, she stood in front of its gates. Her dreams, which she had cherished, held dearly from time immemorial, safe, now were the time to add wings to it. She remembered her eyes going moist, she had never been the one to show emotions on face but presently they felt too overwhelming to confine. That smell of freedom. Maybe all was going to be better. She wasn’t going to use the word, “hope”, hope was never her but she was optimistic, positively optimistic._

  
_“She’s gone”, those were the words that old grumpy man told her when 3 yr old Lexa asked about the where-about of her mother. Gone? Gone where? When will she be coming back? Why did she leave her here? All questions, endless questions surrounded her mind, but the people, their roaming irritated eyes and dingy clothes made her well aware to shut her mouth than raise her questions. The man, whom she had asked about the whereabouts of her mother, led her to a hall room where there lay several more like her. The wooden floor creaked at each step she made loud in the ever-growing silence. He pushed her forward to a dusty small bed and asked her to sleep and that all her chores will be taught to her tomorrow. That was it. But his parting words, still rings in the Heda’s ears as if it was yesterday, “Welcome to Tondc Care for Orphans”_

  
_At the tender age of 5, Lexa realized one had to fight for everything, to never let your guard down. Meals were served 3 times a day – breakfast, lunch and dinner, but due to the high number of heads, there was often scarcity of food. Emphasis on the word, often. Indra was serving them dinner, two slices of bread and some slimy curry thing. Such meager quantity was not enough to quench the hunger of such youth though. Lexa sat at her usual place beside a guy names Travis. He had already swallowing his food and before Lexa could even take a hold of hers, two slices of bread were already out of her reach. And whilst she tried her hardest to retrieve them, somehow her curry had already been eaten. Her plate was empty. And so was the kitchen. That day, Lexa empty with an empty stomach with silent tears streaming down._

  
_At age 7, reality struck Lexa hard on her face. That even amidst all people, she was truly alone. It was that one time, Lexa and 2 other of her mates turn to clean up the stairs and the living room. Rules were, “No work, no food”, no ifs, not buts in between. And in doing so, somehow they missed lunch. Dinner would not be till late 7 and it was not even 1 now. So Josh, thinnest of them all, and Mia, the one with spiky hair, hatched a plan of raiding the kitchen, in hope that what if some leftover remained. But Lexa diligently refused. She didn’t wish to get into trouble and face Nia’s wrath. She knew or rather heard about the punishments (spending days inside the closet or sleeping on empty stomachs, overtime duties….) and she knew better than break them. But her stomach‘s pleas made her say yes. When they neared the kitchen, Lexa asked Mia and Josh to keep guard, to give her a warning in case someone arrived and they nodded sincerely… Inside the kitchen, Lexa started going through the stuff and she collected whatever she could in her pockets and little hands, wherever they fit. All seemed fine; no people in view and without knowing she walked into their guard Nia where her two supposed friends should have greeted her._

  
_She still remembers the sounds that echoed that silent halls from the 5 lashings she received on her hands, the red marks, as blooded dripped out, the unword-ed cries when Indra applied her balm on it._

  
_It was Lexa’s 10th Birthday. Lexa had not forgotten but there wasn’t anything neither to receive nor to give. She had stopped hoping, stopped staring at that grandfather’s clock hoping that maybe her mother will remember her, maybe she would come back. Lexa remembers how she would right out the words she would tell her mother, tell her how angry she was for leaving her behind with strangers, who didn’t let her read books whenever she wanted, who scolded Lexa meaninglessly, she would tell her how she would cry herself to sleep when there was no-one to soothe the pain she had while washing the dishes and all those rude children, she would cry out her eyes but at the end she would forgive her. She loves her mother. She loved her mother._

  
_The best part of her temporary “home” was the store-room where stacks of books were kept; they were mostly all-ruined, second hand or sometimes worse, with yellow withered pages but Lexa loved the parchment smell. Gustus, in his old ragged clothes stood behind the counter, going to the records when the store-room door creaked open. Gustus, though a care-taker of sorts of the foster home always had a soft spot from the braided brunette._

  
_“Good Morning, Lexa”, Gustus replied with a knowing smile not even looking up from the pages he was scanning through._

  
_“Morning to you too, sir”, Lexa replied her eyes already going across the room._

  
_“So, do you have any…..” Lexa was interrupted mid-way when Gustus spoke out, “Lexa, you shouldn’t be here”_

  
_She was bewildered, might she say, a bit hurt too. Two birthdays ago, he himself said that on her birthday this trove of treasure could be her solace no matter the time as long as her chores were done._

  
_“Yes, but my work doesn’t start….”, Lexa dare not finish it. She couldn’t, “I’ll be off then”_

  
_She was already reached for the doorknob when he tugged at her thin wrist, implying her to stop._

  
_“You misunderstand my words, Child. I simply meant, this home is too small for you. You are meant to live, not survive, not in this dingy place at least”_

  
_“What should I do? No one wants me and I don’t wish to be here, what should I do, Gustus?”, and no sooner the words left her mouth, warm tears fell out those green eyes. Gustus’s heart twinge-d at the sight. No child should cry, not on their birthday. It was a sin to see, to watch._

  
_“Don’t waste your tears, child not before you listen to what I have to say. Every government operated foster home, ours included, offers a program, a scholarship if I may say, to those few who wishes to go to good colleges. This program starts from around your age and it’s only a handful ones they select so the cutting marks are pretty high, but if you succeed you can go to any college you wish to. I can get you enrolled in but do you wish to?”_

  
_Lexa nodded. Yes. Yes. If she could get out. These walls sometimes clog her. She forgets to breathe._

  
_“yes, sir”_

  
_“you sure you are up for it?”, Gustus asked again. He knew the girl was overwhelmed presently but she had the potential to be so much more, “you sure, you can work up to that level, huh?”_

  
_“Yes, yes!”, Lexa beamed. She could do it. She has to do it._  
_When the clock struck 8am, she knew her day had started but she was happy._

  
_“Thank you, Sir” and when she was about to go, Gustus took out a wrapped gift from underneath the counter and handed it to her._  
_“Happy Birthday, Lexa. Open it at your own time , alright?”_  
_Lexa shook her head vigorously. It was a wonder that it didn’t fall off._

  
_So when night came and everyone was sound asleep, Lexa took out the gift that Gustus gave her, delicately opened the wrapping and in the dim light of the torch she read, “How to kill a Mockingbird”_  
_Who knew, it would influence her so much that she would follow the steps of Atticus, himself._

  
_She was 13 when she ran for the first time from her foster home. She was tired of watching, being paraded up in front of new people who simply rejected her time and again for younger, much younger new babies. She was tired of hearing that maybe somebody would want her someday, but she knew she was now too old, to be wanted. She missed her chance. She briskly walked down the streets only to stop in front of a pastry shop, with all form of delicacies shining bright in the lights. Her mouth lulled. Her eyes roamed the glasses and the aroma of freshly baked cookies, if she wasn’t mistaken, was driving her insane. She stood in front of their gate, when a man came out of the shop,_

  
_“Do you wish to buy something?”, he asked in a rather mean tone_  
_“Well, yes but I don’t have any money”, Lexa answered honestly._  
_“then stop hovering outside my shop, it’s scaring away my customers and if I see you here again you’ll answer to security” and with so much so another word, the man stomped away._  
_Lexa understood the importance of money in the world._  
_The dead are gone, and the living is hungry…. So true._

  
_She remembers, his lips were chapped and hard. Rough. And when his tough tried to enter her mouth, she flinched. She didn’t like it. It wasn’t how first kisses were supposed to be like. The books painted such a different tale – an overwhelming feeling, fireworks in your head, that ecstasy, that joy … but all she felt was bad breathe riddled with cigarettes. Ken or whatever his name was, was certainly not to her liking._

_The second time she kissed, it had been a girl. Her name was Kara. She was an eager mind like herself and they both wanted to explore uncharted territories. These all started with innocent kisses, on the cheeks, on foreheads…ending on the lips and creeping down the jaw line. They didn’t love each other, but both of them needed to feel and it felt nice to belong somewhere and innocent turned passionate. Kisses became hungrier. Clothes were often shed. Skin to skin touches in the moonlight. Lexa knew, at 15, that she was a woman’s touch she wanted on herself and no man. At 15, she knew, she was gay. And a day came when Kara had to leave, Lexa wanted to ask her to stay, for her at least, but by the time she reached her room, it was as if she was never there._

_1164\. 4 digits embroidered on the door. Her room. Rather their room, but Lexa’s room-mate was yet to arrive. She was early than the presumed time by a fair amount of a day anyway. She had taken the earliest train she could get to get out of the foster home, to start anew._

_If someone asked her if she missed it, she would probably say no. Sure, she has spent her almost whole life there but she never found it in her heart to call it home. Yes, she would miss some faces : Gustus and his endless beard, Indra and her endless life lessons….but otherwise no, no one else. She read somewhere, home is where your loved ones are. Loved ones really? Lexa might have craved at that idea when she was younger, naive but now she scoffs. She wasn’t here to make friends. She was here for giving a chance to her life, a chance she was robbed of. Yes, there was nothing extraordinary about it, but she knew what she wanted. Her degree at Law and Polis offered one of the best, internship at a big firm, earning big big bucks, and seeing the world…. Every corner of it… that was her plan and boy, she was a dreamer._

  
_**Untouched dreams, it's all I have left**_  
_**I'm putting them in jars upon those shelves**_  
_**Someplace safe,**_  
_**Away from all, even from myself.**_

  
_When she put in the key to her said room, she was surprised to find it unlocked and even more surprised when endless giggles and shouts caught her ears. She opened it and came face to face with three bodies intertwined, rather rolling on the floor, tangled in bed sheets. The figures stopped whatever the hell they were doing, and Lexa felt she had intruded on a private time even though the said individuals were fully clothed. The girls frozen, got up or at least tried too…_

  
_“Ouch, Ray…watch your hand. Your hand elbowed me…”, angrily whispered the blonde one._  
_“Geez, Griffin. It’s not my fault you are picked a pillow fight on this hour of the day”, the raven haired girl snared back._  
_“Listen Raven….”_  
_“Guys, can you get up from me… You don’t weigh as light as feathers as you might wanna think” groaned the brunette._  
_“Sorry, O…” came the simultaneous reply._

  
_Lexa was appalled. So much so for peace. She took her bags to the bed towards the window, well, that was the only one unoccupied. The bed was comfy as least and there was a study desk beside the bed with a study lamp in case she needed to burn the midnight’s oil._

  
_The blonde one followed her to her bed but Lexa paid her no heed. Lexa was already taking a rather, slow, long time in taking out her stuff but the blonde and yet to say a word. Lexa was running short on patience, so she snorted out,_

_“yes?”_

  
_“Hey, I was wondering when you were gonna notice that.. anyway, Hi, I’m Clarke Griffin and I’m your supposed room-mate”, and then she smiled._

_A genuine smile that should light your face, a smile in which her blue eyes sparkled with that hope…. And Lexa knew in that very moment the blonde Clarke Griffin, would play a very pivotal role in her life._


End file.
